cause' i stole your eggs.

Thoughts.

2012-03-18T17:40:00.003+08:00

isn't this such a gorgeous coral colour?

so i'm currently.
at a word count of five hundred and forty eight.
that's like.
one-fifth of the minimum?

darn.

i really hate thinking.
why do we have to do essays?!

yeeesh.

mum came back today.
she brought back two of my favourite things.
can you guess what they are?
hahaha.

they came in rabbit shapes/designs
cause' its supposedly nearing Easter
and they were preparing for it.

so cute, eh.

the chocolates are amazingly good by the way.

German chocolates are deeee-licious.

ohohoho.

and then she bought me some nail polishes (as usual)

and i just ordered even more nail polishes.

ok.

i should get back to my work.

meh.

Consequences.

2012-03-17T22:07:00.003+08:00

Today was a tiring day.

haha.

not in the sense that the activities wore me out,

but in the sense that i was just.

feeling really..

ghrarhaohfai.

yeah.

i have still yet to post a fish post.

and sadly, right now all i have is a soul remaining survivor.

who used to be the prettiest and gorgeous one of all that i had,

but now is reduced to just a tired, lifeless fish.

i'll post it another day.

cause' i'm lazy.

so today..

went to church for service,

then grandma's place.

the entire day was spent on..

completing the things i said i would do,

really.

not much of a fruitful day,

but not a wasted day either.

i'm suppose to live life like it's my last day, everyday,

isn't it?

so maybe i'm doing it wrong.

haha.

Convenience.

2012-03-16T13:31:00.016+08:00

It's already the sixteenth of march.

Concert day.

Sure didn't felt like it was this close.

technically the blog post says it's.... whatever time it is,

but in reality it's actually one twenty-four am on a Saturday.

i just wanna post on "this day" so...

if that makes sense.

heheheheheheh.

So about yesterday.

we...

had fun.

here's a photo.

and that's all i'll say about yesterday cause' i'm a lazy ass.

so today started off with..

a cockroach.

that was writhing about at my door.

which i promptly left alone and found it dead after an hour.

mysterious, huh.

went to school for mathematics,

then met up with ziyan and had lunch.

at.

some place.

that people would probably kill us over.

hahaha.

then practice practice practice.

or is it practise?

kekeke.

Got changed,

had dinner,

and then it was the concert.

it did felt so much better than last(last) year's concert,

given the pretty hall and sound effects and so on so forth.

plus the fact that my dear, dear friends all came makes it so much better.

i'm so glad you guys came.

whether or not you enjoyed the concert.

hahaha.

so yes,

it is the last concert that i'll probably perform in a choir,

and today was definitely fun,

but you know.

i'm also glad that i'm finally.

done.

with choir.

i mean,

it is fun (at times)

and enjoyable (at times)

and awesome (at times like when i get to skip classes),

but it is also..

you know.

tiring.

stressful

(in some way. like it takes up a lot of time?)

so yeah.

i've been through that four years of being in commonwealth choir.

it feels like it was just yesterday that i was in secondary one

and wishing i could get out as soon as possible hahaha.

(how cliche.)

ok that's enough.

i bet you're really bored of me talking about this right now.

i should sleep.

haha.

so then chilled with friends after the concert.

had.

KFC.

fish donuts.

which are, awesome.

and my even dearer dear dear dear friends got me a bouquet.

in the shade that i was gushing all over just the day before.

thanks man.

so on overall,

my brain is malfunctioning and telling me to stop here.

chills.

2012-03-15T10:07:00.002+08:00

this morning sure is cold.

it kinda feels like some foreign country or something.

like australia.

except without that "nice" feeling.

it kinda just feels like its not cold enough

for me to bring along a jacket,

but cold enough to make me wish i had brought a jacket.

or is it just me?

i don't know.

maybe its time to switch to winter clothing.

hahaha.

climate changes.

so maybe we'll have snow.

nah.

who am i kidding.

snow?

in singapore?

yeah.

when i die, that is.

gah.

gotta catch a bus home.

all you lazy asses better wake up and answer my calls!

cause so far there's only one soul who's up awake when i was awake.

2012-03-14T22:21:00.002+08:00

bah.

i have this weird..

feeling.

in my tummy.

so..

today.

was.

really different from what i had thought it out to be.

had breakfast at.

a nearby cafe. restaurant. thing.

then choir.

and then i was suppose to go for tuition,

but my teacher and I kinda.

mixed up signals.

and she thought it was tomorrow,

i thought it was today.

so i.

went out for dinner.

with friends.

and then slacked.

with more friends?

and now i'm wondering whether to do homework

cause' tomorrow will be a darn busy day.

i should take some caffeine.

boo.

cliche.

2012-03-13T20:46:00.003+08:00

nevermind.

an angry person does not write nice things.

so i'd be better off thinking of good things.

it's wednesday already.

and almost half the week of the so called "holidays" are gone.

just like that.

so quick.

i really don't like this.

and then the concert's on friday,

which isn't very far off...

maybe things would just become better if i smile.

smile my un-pearly whites off.

smile till my muscles ache.

smile till you're satisfied.

smiles make everyone happy, no?

on a side note,

i'm glad you remember all the little things

that i didn't think you would.

it is really nice (and cute) of you to be like this.

hahaha.

as much as i enjoy it,

it'll be better if you... stopped doing that.

it'll only turn out to stab you in the back,

though i really don't want that to happen.

but what can i say?

2012-03-12T22:07:00.003+08:00

So um..

have my blog posts become boring lately?

hahaha.

gotta wake up early to do my work tomorrow,

because i'm too tired to do them now..

so i'm going to go to bed.

just wanna.

say hi.

and i guess i do miss the times we've talked.

so much.

so in depth.

and the laughter.

and just plain simple happiness we get from it.

or at least, i did.

tee hee hee.

night beaches.

actually no.

hold on.

i realised...

that if you have a pretty, gorgeous friend. say person A.

and maybe you're... say not as pretty. say person B.

and then the two of you take a picture together.

and then there's a picture of you, all nicely dressed up.

i don't know how my mind works,

but all of a sudden,

person B looks really...

not.

appealing.

at all.

it isn't even of average looks,

it's just.

total.

i don't know.

i am superficial after all,

but.

without person A,

person B looks fine actually.

pretty in fact, with all the nice, formal dresses and shoes.

then person A, the "gorgeous" one, comes in.

bam.

all gone.

it just looks really weird and unappealing.

and then...

i should just shut the heck up.

2012-03-11T22:59:00.003+08:00

in a good good good mood.

today was awesome as well.

a really good break from school i guess.

so i ...

overslept.

and didn't go for church.

then met up with Chloe,

and went to bugis.

got presents!

hohoho.

and there weren't overly priced or anything like that either.

which is awesome.

then got a.. couple t-shirt?

it's not a t-shirt.

it's a....

shirt.

yeah.

something that i've been looking for for quite awhile.

and am really glad i got it.

muhahahaha.

bugis street was crazily crowded actually.

then stopped by bugis junction for snacks,

and then went our own ways.

went to vivo,

where i wandered around alone for quite awhile.

waiting.

meh.

why am i always waiting?

but anyway.

so i finally bought a black-white shirt.

that i have also been looking for for quite awhile.

or even longer.

in fact, i think it's been.. two years.

yeah.

hahaha.

so i'm reallllllllly glad i bought it.

suddenly got in the mood to pack my wardrobe,

and then i realised i had ran out of space.

and no i'm not gonna throw out my clothes.

i guess i feel much happier these days.

many reasons to 'em,

but you know.

it's just like that.

tomorrow's the only day that i can take my time to do whatever i want.

so..

i had better enjoy it.

i need to take photos.

i feel a lack of photos lately.

haha.

it's raining.

perfect weather to sleep to.

oh and i got a skinny tie.

and and and.

we met katherine at bugis.

which was interesting.

haha.

damn shopping puts me in a fantastic mood.

cacophony.

2012-03-10T22:05:00.002+08:00

so today was rather..

eventful.

and filled.

morning.

had choir practice without the conductor.

and then we got scolded really intensely..

which was probably for the good of the choir.

afterall, it did quieten down quite a lot.

practiced our choreography,

which is... interesting.

so those who have tickets for the concert,

be happy.

i think it won't be as boring as i had.. thought it to be

in my own perspective so please dont expect much or too little.

yesh.

then had a quick lunch with ziyan at umi sushi,

and then went for tuition.

a quite, short, tuition.

and finished all my chinese homework.

hahaha.

went home,

had a quick shower,

fed the crazy cavies (and bunnies)

and then pondered on whether i should paint my nails.

should i?

i don't know.

im planning on sleeping late today.

haha.

left home,

where the instance i stepped out of the condominium,

it started to drizzle.

and eventually rain really heavily.

i didn't get caught in it though..

made it in time to the bus stop just before the rain came pouring down,

and in time for the bus to come.

haha.

met up,

went for service..

where i was forced to sit in the front row.

which makes me feel so exposed.

nonetheless, interesting.

went out for a quick dinner at clementi,

talked about things..

and then here i am at mcdonalds now.

waiting.

again.

hahaha.

do i sound sad?

that's bad.

but i'm not.

its just that mcdonalds is so crowded right now,

it feels really weird to be alone here.

yeah.

i feel like moving to spinelli.

anyway.

just a quick post right now since i'm stuck here doing nothing.

my "holiday" is so filled right now.

no longer a holiday.

meh.

mum left for germany today.

Puh-lease.

2012-03-09T21:59:00.002+08:00

hey ho.

finally.

finally finally finally.

march holidays.

only a week,

barely a day (in my mind),

but whatever.

at least i get to sleep in.

so today didn't go as planned.

but whatever.

had a nice long talk with Chloe after school..

where my phone died.

and is charging right now.

haha.

i don't know what to say right now.

maybe i did that on purpose.

but hey.

we weren't somewhat fated to be that way.

so what can i possibly do?

Delusions.

2012-03-07T18:30:00.000+08:00

like as if you knew.

2012-03-06T20:31:00.002+08:00

i need a cat.

credits.

hunger.

2012-03-06T18:26:00.002+08:00

im hungry.

very, very hungry.

but i'm gonna go run and relieve my frustrations first..

and run like a kilometre in twenty minutes hahaha.

so i'm... on a bus now.

a really really crowded bus.

with me sitting down on the reserve seats.

how inconsiderate of me.

so anyway.

today was normal.

i think i may have accidentally distanced myself away from you,

but i'm glad we talked.

had a rather... interesting study hall today.

then had biology, physics,

and the best recess ever.

the food.

was good.

hahaha.

okay...

my lazy ass friend does not want to go to the gym.

darn it.

then had english,

chemistry,

which was somewhat. depressing,

and then amath.

peeled the onion on the table.

haha.

why is it so hot today?

the weather's really... not fun.

thankfully the weekend's nearing.

that means..

tomorrow will be short.

then thursday, which is pretty quick.

a short friday.

and then it's the holidays.

hahahahaha.

what a great week.

Guilt.

2012-03-04T21:09:00.002+08:00

i feel so horrible.

and this is what i get for all that i have done.

i'm so, so terribly sorry.

i know.

you told me once, you told me twice.

i said i wouldn't.

but i did.

and i know that you may find out about this somehow,

but please,

when you do,

please don't.

don't.

don't do whatever you would do.

i know i screwed it up,

but i really didn't mean to do this

even if i had known that it would.

what am i talking about?

go figure.

Catharsis.

2012-03-03T22:01:00.004+08:00

what did i do wrong?

i'm swarmed with homework right now.

probably because i didn't start on it early.

meh.

so..

today was.

interesting.

and merging yesterday and today...

makes me go crazy.

which is why i was.

so out of it this morning.

i apologise if i had made a mistake.

just please,

don't feel like you have to do it because of me.

credits.

2012-03-02T22:00:00.002+08:00

what the firetruck, man?

i know you don't care

and i know that i shouldn't care either,

but its a bloody promise.

i don't want your unreliable words

if you can't even keep with that simple task.

Binky.

2012-03-02T20:07:00.003+08:00

credits

First lesson was.. amath.

Rate of change.. or something along those lines.

i was completely dazed.

and not.

listening.

bah.

then chemistry,

which was spent in the lab.

We were separated into two different classes,

so my class had ms lee.

she's.... not as peculiar as i had expected her to be,

but still.

her explanation is pretty clear though.

so there was this.

potassium manganate.

which stains the skin an ugly brown.

but, in a test tube,

it changes from a dark purple to a pretty clear pink to a clean colourless.

pretty cool to watch the change.

and then i somewhat screwed up my test

and made a fade from colourless to dark purple.

so awesome.

hahaha.

then we had PE..

which i spent. running.

cause' i was absent the other time when the class went running.

gah.

i so do not like running.

and yeah,

thanks,

thanks for that "motivational boost".

yeah right.

recess.

i made someone cry.

but now the person's happy.

so that's good.

physics was.. normal.

half the lesson was spent staring at questions

that screwed with our minds.

lunch at... somewhere.

it started raining while we were eating.

and then it stopped when we were done.

hohoho.

made a wrong comment.

what is wrong with me today?

then choir.

which was actually..

quite enjoyable.

until.

that happened.

it sure did piss the firetruck out of me.

so on overall,

i'm actually glad to say today was a pretty awesome day.

i think the icy wall between us is finally gone.

thank god i attempted to break it down,

and you helped me with it.

and then..

i got to talk to you.

i wish to believe that you did that only cause you wanted to,

and it wasn't a...

how do i say this.

and that it wasn't a coincidental thing.

i'm hoping that you did it cause you wanted to.

so i..

am probably pissed off cause' i'm unable to pull myself away from this stupid computer.

how do i get away from this dumb internet?

jeez.

i have.

a lot of homework to do.

so please, get the firetruck away from the computer now.

Anticipation.

2012-03-01T19:28:00.001+08:00

i'm still waiting man.

for the day.

that i chop off my long locks.

and dye them a crazy colour.

hopefully not to the extent of looking like a "ahlian",

but then again.

crazy colours are cool.

to a certain. degree.

heheheheh.

school was. normal.

as per usual.

i have just wasted about two hours on the computer.

so...

yeah.

i know i'm screwing up my time.

so ciao for now?

borrowed sixuan's shirt for the concert.

and went home with her.

knowing.

2012-02-29T17:14:00.002+08:00

it's okay.

i will still, smile,

and be happy to face tomorrow.

why?

i don't know.

i just know that it feels better to be happy about everything

than sad about a little thing.

so basically..

came to school early to do my homework,

only to be deemed late for assembly.

so they made us sit outside while the rest were inside,

then made us write reflections.

which was, somewhat a waste of time.

but the vice-principal was actually a very nice person.

i think.

i hope!

then amath.

and english.

and chemistry.

all which were spent rather..

sleepily.

lunch then..

bio learning journey.

which was unappealing.

or at least to me.

ate a bit then came home,

and studied(or talked) at mcdonalds.

recently,

whenever i get home,

it's always an empty dark room that i see.

which explains my..

yeah.

my tummy hurt like a bitch yesterday.

dont ask me how or why hahaha.

Under the... seat?

2012-02-28T22:18:00.003+08:00

is a person.

who is... gonna.

stare right back at you.

hahaha.

that is, pretty freaky.

so anyway.

today was.

good.

like yesterday.

i suddenly feel the sudden, "everyday is good" feeling.

no more emo feelings, maybe?

haha.

and tomorrow's a pretty.. not-tiring day.

which is a plus side.

and i get to.. have hours to myself to do homework.

which i like.

cause' it's. fun.

and then again i'm glad that you could confide in me.

and hopefully i was of some help to you.

cause' if i wasn't, then i would probably feel quite useless.

yeah.

i've been relying on coffee these past two days.

and i'm not planning on doing so tomorrow.

so i guess an early rest should do me good.

going to the gym had only made me feel lame.

haha.

plus the sudden weird atmosphere when other people start entering..

and then i realised how stupid i looked when i run.

(cause' of the.. mirror. in front of me. behind me. everywhere around me.)

and i tried to make myself look better.

hahaha.

how.. strange of me.

so anyway.

time to..

i don't know.

read people's blogs.

Hope.

2012-02-27T22:30:00.002+08:00

hey there.

i'm.

incredibly.

sleepy.

i'm thankful for all these. people in my life.

yeah.

what more can i say?

today was good.

the morning rain was crazy.

the weather was horrendous.

cold.

wet.

muddy.

shivering-ish.

then the wet floor in the hall.

and the soaking wet students.

haha.

first lesson.

math.

there was a cockroach in class.

someone killed it.

it died a really sad way.

yeah.

then..

biology.

where i finally decided i didn't want to do the homework.

so i copied.

don't tell me teacher.

and subsequently the day went pass in a blur..

i'm really sleepy right now.

today was good.

God is good.

life is good.

apparently yihang saw me at the.

coffee shop. having dinner.

but he didn't say hi.

aw.

goodnight cause' me eyes are-

Decipher me.

2012-02-26T22:49:00.003+08:00

righttt.

i don't get it.

why do people act like that?

this is so hard to understand.

so um.

thanks.

for everything.

for being there for me.

for helping me when i was just really.

in such a bad mood.

i'm glad you were willing to spend your time on me.

yeh.

now i'm wondering whether or not to do my homework.

cause' i'm so lazy.

and tired.

and sleepy.

and feeling like i need to paint my nails.

roar.

i'm still having that uncertain feeling,

but at least i know that you guys are there for me.

and that you're not.

so at this point of time i should probably beat you up

and make sure you never talk to me ever again.

which i shall.

soon enough.

hahaha.

the lord.

2012-02-25T14:17:00.003+08:00

i need to make decisions for myself.

haha.

its been awhile since i woke up without having that heavy heart.

and yes of course that's a good thing.

went for choir in the morning,

which was spent rather..

emotionlessly.

i was thinking.

yeah.

so please excuse my blackened-neutral expression.

kekeke.

then went for sushi with ziyan.

andddddd. bought. things.

for other things.

and am at tuition now.

blogging.

hahaha.

i wanna excercise.

maybe i'm just hoping for that someone to do something.

but it is a decision still, no?

i may be weird, complicated, hard to comprehend,

but i'm still.

me.

i want to believe.

i want to believe and have that faith, that trust,

that passion in worshipping him.

but where's my basis?

so i'm in search of people.

who would, hopefully be patient with me

and answer my questions,

explain things to me,

not be cross with me and understand me.

for my incredulously weird indecisive feelings.

hahaha.

yes of course i would tell you what i mean if you asked me.

but you gotta understand that i need time to think it through.

or maybe just like the chinese passage i just read,

i shouldn't think about the things that have already happened,

because nothing can change the past.

and that's so darn true.

i promise to control my language.

my thinking.

my feelings.

myself.

to smile more.

to be happy.

to not think so much.

to be thoroughly satisfied with life.

teehee.

2012-02-24T21:06:00.002+08:00

my patience is running thin.

and that's probably a reason why i keep posting.

do you really not care at all?

not even one tiny bit?

i mean,

i really do want to step up first,

but i don't feel the need to do so if you really don't give a fuck about me.

yeah.

i'm not restraining from vulgarities.

if you have a question,

ask me.

cause' i can't put such insensitive things down here.

please.

could you just.

press.

that.

damn.

button.

before i bloody give up on this.

i've been waiting since morning,

damnit.

2012-02-24T19:03:00.002+08:00

okay.

so maybe i do like you.

but what can i say?

nothing really.

thinking about it just makes me wanna know what that was.

went home with ziyan today.

and talked about.

things.

school wasn't entirely nice but..

whatever.

delusions.

2012-02-24T06:36:00.004+08:00

and now i'm sitting here waiting anxiously,

for that led light to light up with that bright beam.

this would probably determine my mood for the day.

hopefully not to make it bad,

but you get what i mean.

no?

but technically i'm sitting here waiting for my bus.

hahaha.

thought i'll just blog now,

for fear that it might plummet down as the day goes.

am i prepared for my test?

i don't know.

we'll see.

haha.

darn, i want a seat.

i have increasingly grown to be a lazy girl.

yeaah.

though there isn't really a reason for me to be unhappy

in any sort of way,

but there isn't really a reason for me to be happy either.

right?

unless you count the fact that i'm alive,

on an airconditioned bus

and practically safe from all sorts of random shit that could happen.

there's a weird guy on the bus right now.

i shall stop here.

Drip, drip.

2012-02-23T20:15:00.001+08:00

so um.

why aren't things working out?

i don't know.

but i am so darn glad you were there today.

funny moment after lunch.

but it totally spun me off track during the test.

gah.

i'm weird, i know.

and i'm not in a fairly good mood,

but lets just pretend i'm in a "good mood".

so that way i can.

not appear as some emotional little girl who moans about life everyday.

do i?

i don't think that life is bad.

it's pretty.. normal.

only cause' of the way i see things,

does it turn sour.

i'm in no such mood to study today.

so i shan't.

i shall chomp on some chocolates, watched tv,

and then go to bed.

hahaha.

spent my night watching slumdog millionaire last night.

it was.

good.

worth my sleep.

hahaha.

this probably just shows how fated we're meant to be.

how not fated.

お早よう.

2012-02-22T18:23:00.007+08:00

so the day started out with

some panicking over my english homework.

and then assembly,

and a short briefing on what was to come next.

the japanese students.

from koishikawa high school.

so there were pretty girls,

cute girls,

and the bunch was just really nice.

there was a communication barrier,

and i suppose the first part of the day went pretty...

badly?

it was really hard to converse with them.

ahah.

but it became okay after awhile.

and my buddy, Akiko, was really nice and cute.

yes she has the same name as my ex-neighbour.

kyoko's mum.

(note to chloe) : i'm surprised you remember. of all things. hahaha.

gave them a tour around the school,

talked about random things,

and then we had lunch at the canteen.

where Aki tried malay food for the first time.

hahaha.

and she taught me various japanese words too.

which was cool.

exchanged email addresses (just like in a manga!),

and then exchanged gifts,

where she got me some pretty things.

like the. first. picture you see above.

then the entire group of students gave us this

super pretty file from their school,

which is.

just so pretty i can't describe it.

hahaha.

it's like a small file with a clear back?

which is just.

pretty.

in my opinion.

said our goodbyes,

and then watched as they waved to us while the bus drove off.

then received back our math test papers.

which sucked.

haha.

such disappointment.

then did my homework at the library,

like a loner.

aha.

and went home.

with banana.

hi sushi.

if you're seeing this.

hahahaha.

oh right.

watched some video of mr yuen and students from our school.

and saw carina.

and jian hui.

and jing wen.

and jingyi.

haha.

so cool.

carina was cuuuuute.

Fear.

2012-02-21T17:33:00.004+08:00

of what?

yeah.

bite me.

cheer me up, please.

mocha.

2012-02-20T19:35:00.003+08:00

Am at mcdonalds now.

watching the trains go by..

can you guess which outlet i'm at?

hahaha.

the sky's dark.

an indication of going home late.

but at least im gonna finish my work now. (or am trying to)

so i can just have a good shower,

a warm dinner and then go to bed.

yes i know i shouldn't eat right before sleeping.

but oh well.

i still don't like having two mathematics lessons in one day.

or at least, give us some notice beforehand.

that way i could "mentally prepare" myself for it.

and be ready and glad and "open" for lessons.

yeah.

ahh, whatever.

since its already done.

there's a biology test tomorrow..

and then chemistry on friday.

gah.

i don't wanna do anything, really.

japanese students coming on wednesday!

soooo excited.

my buddy's called akiko!

have i mentioned that already?

haha.

gonna go get a gift for her tomorrow.

despite her not emailing me at all.

meh.

i should still welcome her right?

ahaha.

tomorrow's gonna pass by quickly,

and so is wednesday.

and thursday.

and friday.

and then it's the weekends again!

and then march.

and then april.

and then before i know it, i'm gone from this place called earth.

hahahaha.

in a fairly good mood today.

though i saw you..

at least you spoke.

rather than the usual weird awkwardness.

Shotgun.

2012-02-19T22:29:00.004+08:00

yeah, yeah, whatever.

say what you like.

cause' i don't give a-

today was good.

or normal, whatever you wanna put it as.

OH MAN WAS THAT EMBARRASSING OR WHAT.

but whatever.

-pretends that she didn't see nuts about it-

well, well.

what to say now.

how to answer you?

i'm so darn glad i gave up on you.

cause' you weren't worth my time.

my energy.

my tears.

my whatever.

but hey look!

you WERE worth it.

cause i already spent a post on you,

a whole lot of time thinking about it, about you.

nanana.

i'm sputtering nonsense again.

hahaha.

ha.

....

what on earth am i doing.

you guys must think i'm crazy.

which i believe i am,

but i'm not.

aha.

hopefully i'll be able to forget about the stupidest things by tomorrow.

i don't want to be reminded of them.

so please get out of my sight.

no matter how much i want to see ya.

kekeke.

i'm sane, thank you.

Not being able..

2012-02-18T11:11:00.002+08:00

to differentiate between dreams and reality.

hi.

i'm glad to say that i'm in a normal, neutral mood right now.

not good, but at least it's not bad either.

i'm feeling so much better from all that medicine and long long sleep.

and all that water too.

Crystal is definitely looking a whole lot better now.

if compared to the. last time i first talked about her?

at the vet.

but for now Rainy can't be kept with her.

cause' she keeps picking at her wound

and it's not... beneficial.

or good in any way.

Friends.

They are still awesome,

but i always find myself doubting "it".

which is what makes me turn out moody at the end of the day.

which is also why i should stop it.

i should look at things optimistically,

put my trust in them,

believe in them,

and never think twice about them.

that thrill of rush when i went back to school yesterday.

my friends are awesome.

and yes,

i know ziyan has yet to find this blog.

hahaha.

thank you for all the care and concern,

i appreciate it.

i feel like shopping.

shopping always cures my stupid moods.

glad about sad.

2012-02-17T10:31:00.003+08:00

I feel so suffocated.

the reason why i don't chase after you?

because i know that even if i did,

it wouldn't make a difference.

only if i stopped running,

would you stop running and stop to turn back and look.

am at the doctor's now.

debating on whether to go to school or not.

and of course i know why i'm always sad and in a crappy mood.

it's probably cause' i always look at things in a pessimistic way.

and i always always bring up the shitty things in life,

only to feel like crap afterwards.

so should i be more optimistic and chirpy about things?

Fences.

2012-02-16T17:50:00.002+08:00

and there goes another week.

but there's still friday though.

haha.

why is life passing so quickly?

you know,

i find it really hard to intepret what you're trying to tell me.

you're giving me mixed signals, yeah?

haha.

this morning, a teacher was talking about how blatantly we were using our phones.

the weather's hot.

hopefully tomorrow would go as planned.

hopefully everyday would go as planned.

gah.

i think i'll wait.

i won't convince myself otherwise,

but for now i'll just wait.

today was a...

normal day.

a normal, normal, nooooormal day.

too normal for me to be glad about it.

no.

actually, i should be glad about it.

afterall, nothing went as unplanned.

meh.

having sushi for dinner.

kehehehe.

at least the weekends are here,

though i don't get to wake up at nine in the morning anymore.

Regret.

2012-02-15T17:50:00.002+08:00

I know it's unfair,

it's wrong,

it's not right to do so.

but i can't help it.

i can't help but just say it.

do you understand and know what i'm trying to say?

what i was trying to convey to you?

what i was trying so hard to get to you?

i guess not.

and that's..

something's wrong with me.

i don't know what to say, feel or do.

so was that wrong of me?

to have these thoughts?

why.

why is it wrong.

why is it wrong for me to do so,

wrong for everyone else to do so,

but yet they still do it.

they do it despite the fact that they know it hurts.

so why can't I do it?

what is wrong with ME doing what OTHERS are doing?

because i shouldn't follow into their footsteps and go astray?

oh, what hogwash.

what stupidity.

what oblivion.

naiveté.

2012-02-14T20:02:00.006+08:00

new word of the day.

from english class.

haha.

valentine's day today eh.

i guess it was pretty good.

today was definitely better than yesterday.

but i still made that stupid decision.

so yesterday we celebrated kexian's birthday,

and today we celebrated binjie's birthday.

with a tinkerbell cake.

hahahahaha.

i guess recess was pretty cool cause there was music.

how i wish we could have music everyday.

that would make recess even more enjoyable.

aha.

so..

gave out the cupcakes in the morning.

jingyi's cupcake was stolen.

maybe i should get her another one.

received chocolates and cards from the people

i least expected to.

which was really nice of them.

thank you, people.

i apologise for spilling my dumb rose water

and smudging every inky card in the bag.

its currently drying out at my window.

what else about today..

i don't know.

don't remember.

hopefully tomorrow will go as planned.

-updated-

okay.

i remembered.

so during english class,

ms jane lectured us.

aw.

and then mrs philip sent a bunch of us out of class for not doing her work properly.

turned out i didn't even passed up the work.

so i told her.

and she said,

"oh, then you can stay out for the rest of the lesson."

with a wide smile.

damn was that funny.

i guess she was in a good mood,

cause she let us all back us almost immediately.

or more like,

she was rushing us to quickly finish up the corrections and then get back in class.

hahaha.

so i can safely say that she's still that nice teacher that i had "wronged" in the past.

alright.

gotta go..

do.

homework?

i don't know.

we'll see.

Faith.

2012-02-13T21:03:00.003+08:00

Scrap the previous post.

if you had already seen it.

i'm just gonna blog anyway.

so today was.

relatively good.

i don't know why,

but whatever.

i don't really feel like talking about my day,

no matter how bad or good it was.

so i came home and made cupcakes for valentine's day..

which was going well.

till.

i ran out of icing.

so i rushed to get more,

but cold storage had no more stock of these.

so i had to get a different one.

so now half the cupcakes(or more) looks terrible and probably tastes diabetic.

this sucks.

now i don't even feel like giving them anymore.

hm.

and yet you still had to say all of that to me.

what the heck is your problem?

shit.

i don't like this.

this isn't the first bloody time i felt like that.

not the second,

not the third.

i've lost count.

how you can affect me so much.

did you really believe it?

because if you had,

then i'm disappointed.

and have possibly lost faith in you.

dad got me roses.

2012-02-12T21:02:00.000+08:00

OH NO OH NO OH NO.

i don't have time to blog.

today was good.

i did.

a lot of things.

but i'm still wishing for it.

goodnight.

Pretense.

2012-02-11T22:36:00.002+08:00

I'm tired.

credits.

Blatant.

2012-02-10T21:29:00.003+08:00

Hello.

so.

school.

normal, as per usual.

its finally friday eh?

and then it'll be monday all over again..

so there were changes in seats during math lesson.

mrs philip wanted us to switch and sit at the front.

meh.

went to mcdonalds for lunch with friends,

and then. choir.

the sec ones are SO. SO. SO. ADORABLE.

though i'm not one who likes kids,

there's this girl who looks like chloe(ng) and she's ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE.

Demure, quiet, and just so so so cute.

i can't.

describe it.

and no im still not a pedophile.

though i still look forward to seeing kyoko.

then went out for dinner with a friend,

and we met Clara.

small talk.

it's been quite a long long long while since i've seen her.

aha.

bought supplies for valentine's day.

and then i switched a total of three buses on the way home.

cause' i didn't want to stand all the way home.

so i switched.

and decided that the bunch of people who were gonna get on at the next stop

is totally gonna make it crowded.

so i switched again.

and ended up on a fairly empty quiet bus.

hahaha.

happpppppy.

oh yeah.

i'm feeling tired.

gonna go watch my show, and then get ready for the long day tomorrow.

remorse.

2012-02-09T16:01:00.002+08:00

my eyesight is wavering.

haha.

waiting here in the empty canteen with myet.

no milo.

such a depressing thought.

hahaha.

man.

i dislike how things are.

but what can i do about it?

ah.

whatever.

crystal seems to be showing signs of improving.

and hopefully i'll be able to drop by the shop later

and get some supplies..

shopping always makes me feel better.

besides, tomorrow's a friday.

and what comes after friday is saturday!

and then sunday.

weekends.

pfft.

life is passing by really quickly.

at first it seemed like a monday...

then now its a thursday.

i feel like skipping school.

nonchalant.

2012-02-08T06:45:00.003+08:00

shit.

i ran for my stupid bus and it didn't stop.

that pisses me off.

so i woke up to a bad start today.

it just didn't feel right.

appropriate.

suitable.

normal.

all i could feel was how much you've forgotten about me,

how much you have given me up, how much you have not shown concern.

stupid bus.

why did you go pass?

now i need to wait for the next bus which would probably take a zillion years to come.

and all i can look forward to is seeing your bright face

that would only serve to piss me off even more.

please don't ask me about this.

im writing it out because i don't want to be reminded of it.

the brightness.

2012-02-07T18:47:00.005+08:00

so im currently standing in a very still position

due to the train being really packed and yet the doors ain't closing.

this is why i dislike public transport.

the train is already filled, but the doors don't close,

so when the next train(on the opposite side) arrives,

all these aunties and uncles (and etcetra) start to run

and rush and push their way through into these already filled trains,

hence making the air even more stale and the humidity higher.

and i just almost missed my bus.

hmm.

i ran because i didn't want to be at the front of the waiting line,

being the sucker who didn't catch the previous bus.

though being given the choice of seats i want is pretty awesome.

why am i talking about public transport.

so im posting now cause' today might very well end up like yesterday.

spent study hall in the library with chloe.

where i managed to do some of my chinese composition.

hahaha.

and it's the first time i wrote that long of a compo too.

then biology was in the lab,

and physics was just messing with my head.

so recess was pretty interesting today.

i like it when we get to laugh over the weirdest things.

then english.

and chemistry.

and amath. or emath?

both, really.

we got back our amath tests today.

and it sucked.

big time.

im actually not very surprised at this though,

given my shitty attitude i've been having this past month.

that reminds me.

i bumped into two people today. (at two different times)

and yes, they did look back at me.

and yes, i did apologise.

how could i not?

unless it was the person who knocked into me.

though sometimes i still find myself apologising

even when it's the other person who had bumped into me.

ah, whatever.

on overall..

the day went well, i guess.

and it probably went well because

i didn't put my hopes up.

but yet there were those little smiles that made my day.

i mean i know that i should be sad and disappointed

with my results and stuff

but i don't wanna let that dampen today.

cuase it's finally a day where i didn't have to wait for something to happen,

and it's finally a day where i could smile without having to need a reason to.

(or maybe not.)

there are plenty of reasons to smile.

life, itself, makes up ninety-nine percent of that reason.

wait. then what's that zero point one percent?

i don't know.

hehehe.

went home with carina today.

and ate some hot piping cakes.

what a wordy post.

stale.

2012-02-06T18:54:00.005+08:00

i guess im just gonna post now

cause i just missed my bus

and i probably won't have time to use the computer later..

so um.

normal, normal day.

lectured for emath,

scolded for chinese,

and then spent the rest of the day rather... sleepily.

not much of an interesting day, i guess.

so..

lets begin a long paragraph.

why are you such a bitch? you say that you would try, but you never do. you know that you have a deadline to fufil, but you still choose to do it last minute. you always complain and whine about things that you dislike, but you yourself do it too. you say that you wouldn't think that way, that you would be nice and polite, but you never do. you tell yourself you won't do it again. but you did. you repeatedly do the things you said you would never do. you procrastinator, you contradict. for now.. im still pretty messed up and have ran out of words to use.

and that's a paragraph for me to think about and scold myself over.

Silence.

2012-02-05T21:22:00.003+08:00

and i was that happy yesterday too.

why did you have to burst my bubble?

shit.

now i'm feeling like how everyone else is feeling today.

though i could actually say today went well.

now i'm continuing this post (just in case you realised the post is longer)

cause' i don't like how it looks when i have two posts in one day.

so.

yeah.

i don't know what to say man.

this is really weird.

and wrong.

and weird.

and wrong.

and confusing.

I have yet to touch my homework.

if i'm gonna be like this for today...

tomorrow's gonna be a heaven of a busy day.

i don't like how my thoughts run wild just cause' i saw something.

and then assume things.

and. stuff.

i hope.

that tomorrow would be fine.

and restore my shitty mood for now.

cause if only i didn't have to come home,

I WOULD BE IN THAT GOOD BLOODY MOOD I WAS IN.

yeah.

i have a blister on my foot.

from the constant rubbing against my sandals.

gah.

I can't find the right things to say,

i can't find the right things to do.

Should i go to bed now?

or should i go..

do my homework.

i have a period of study hall tomorrow.

but i'm afraid that i wouldn't be able to do my chinese book.

jeez.

Bunny bunny bunny.

had to feed her all sorts of medicine.

i think she's healing.

i just made a birthday card.

and whoever who's gonna receive it,

i apologise for the horrible "making" of the card.

cause' i was kinda.

rushing.

and stuff.

so yeah.

don't kill me please.

hahaha.

people.

please stop being sad.

when you're sad, i'm sad.

and no that doesn't apply to everyone but..

it applies to you guys.

that i hold so dearly.

hahaha.

now i sound really corny.

but hey.

i still love you guys.

Love.

2012-02-04T23:19:00.003+08:00

I LOVE YOU TOO.

Damn.

Walls.

2012-02-04T14:48:00.003+08:00

am at the vet clinic right now.

still waiting for my turn...

darn.

today passed by pretty quickly.

and the rest of the day is probably gonna pass by quickly too.

so woke up earrrrrly,

then had breakfast at mcdonalds.

then went to science centre..

and had some.

bio. dna lesson?

it was pretty cool.

fun, too.

then came home..

did some stuff and end up where i am now.

there's this kitty sitting on the sofa next to me,

staring out the window and watching as the passerbys go.

so adorable.

i want a cat.

hahaha.

so many animals..

why do they all have to come today?!

i bet it's cause it is after chinese new year,

and their pets ate too much.

hahaha.

ok im kidding.

im soooo lazy to wait.

bah.

still gotta meet chloe later

and then go to church..

do i have enough time?!

darn.

please please people, stop coming!

roar.

and there's another (friendly) couple across the room

who has a preggie dog.

haha.

cute cute cute.

and their vet is a really gorgeous caucasian,

who is explaning everything about the pregnancy,

describing how the babies look..

so cool.

and why am i telling you this?

i don't know.

bored and waiting for mah turn.

the cat's still cuter though.

hahaha.

Ignorance.

2012-02-03T23:11:00.002+08:00

why is everything coming all at once?

this is weird.

its amazing how i may have been such a bitch

and cursed and swore at how awful this whole situation is,

and all of a sudden,

thank god it's friday.

This is really, really weird.

so this morning,

we were told that we were to host students from a Japanese high school.

so cool.

i can't wait for that.

hahaha.

and there i was hoping i could email her(or him) and be like,

"Hello new friend! Could you help me get a couple of things from Japan?"

hahaha.

but the novelty wore off pretty quickly.

Then we got back our chemistry tests..

what depressing results.

shucks.

and i repeatedly told myself i would study,

and study, so much this year.

but here i am on the computer.

haha.

so um...

i think it was PE after that?

where we had our trial run..

did i do badly?

that's for me to know, and for you to find out.

haha.

recess.

physics.

and then end of friday.

oh, and choir.

but yeah.

i guess the day went well?

without bumps.

went out for dinner with a friend.

couldn't find my magazine.

bah.

i am pretty sure i'm in a good mood.

at least, not bad enough to be emo and not willing to do my homework,

but not good enough to be incredibly happy either.

maybe it's because im tired.

meh.

oh wow.

"meh".

i haven't use this word for awhile.

is it even a word?

ahaha.

i feel like sleeping.

there's still that biology trip tomorrow..

bah.

what a good day it has been.

(with no sarcasm intended.)

Angst.

2012-02-02T22:03:00.005+08:00

I feel like shit right now.

and i haven't touched my homework.

so i guess i have to rely on coffee for tomorrow.

it doesn't make a difference even if i sleep early anyway.

i'll still be that sleepy shitty bitch who doesn't try hard enough.

i still don't understand.

do you wanna talk or not?

if you're just gonna be like that,

then what the hell's the point?

i don't see us being friends anymore if you're just gonna continue being this way.

its amazing how that "closeness" could vanish that quickly.

if you don't realise,

i may have said that,

but i still give a damn.

i'm not some, horrible bitch who just says what she wants and then walk away.

I GIVE A DAMN.

and why?

because you are my friend.

and why are you my friend?

i don't know.

i don't know how things became like that.

is it because of me?

is it because of our surroundings?

is it because of the things that have happened recently?

no.

what the hell happened recently anyway?

damn it.

who the hell am i even talking about right now.

how i wish i could just stand up and tell you off right in your face.

tell you to shut the hell up cause' its not funny.

why do i even bother to type out this post?

cause' i know you won't read it.

and i know you won't care (even if you did read it).

So much.

inside of me.

spit it all out?

i probably typed this out with the hopes that you would read it and you would care.

loss of words.

2012-02-02T19:13:00.004+08:00

what to do, what to do.

differentiation in the morning,

then biology..

i flunked the section b.

gah.

then english.

recess.

humanities.

mother tongue.

and humanities again.

on overall, i guess the day went well...

but without any excitement.

which sucks.

then had a almost-two-hours-long supplementary,

where i got back my summary marks.

worst. summary. ever.

it's cold.

where the f iretruck are you?

February.

2012-02-01T19:25:00.004+08:00

okay.

today.

came to school early and finished up my mathematics..

then mingsiew came.

kekeke.

assembly.

then amath.

where i became super drowsy and sleepy.

then english.

Ms jane wasn't here today.

then chemistry.

blah.

alkanes, alkenes.

somewhat interesting.

i guess i didn't...

mind-drift that much during this lesson.

recess.

milo?

check facebook.

all eight of us bought milo.

heheh.

then chinese lesson.

where Chloe sped off halfway through the lesson.

and studyhall.

which was spent rather.... uselessly?

all my homework was at home.

then left school and went to teban with a couple of friends.

lunch.

given the 123654165329126918 number of cabs that passed by us while we were eating,

we thought we could just catch a cab to pioneer to watch the netball match (chloe!).

turned out,

after eating,

ALL THE CABS WERE GONE.

either they were already hired, or they just "nonononononononono".

damnit.

and i was so anxious and excited to watch this match.

if im not wrong, it was probably the only match i could actually watch Chloe play.

so then we gave up and took public transport..

and arrived only to see them already done with the match and having a debrief.

-sighs-

but oh well.

at least i got.

there.

and.

said.

hi.

moo.

mm.

wandered about.

then went home.

i'm in a neutral mood right now.

and so lazy to do my homework.

maybe i can sleep by ten today.

hoho.

that'll probably help with my sleepiness during classes.

oh right.

yesterday.

received my english mastery test.

i passed.

I PASSED.

I FREAKING PASSED.

damn was i overjoyed.

for the FIRST TIME.

I PASSED ENGLISH. (comprehension)

i don't care if it was still a lousy mark,

I STILL PASSED.

after all those days and months of receiving even worse marks,

I FINALLY PASSED DAMNIT.

i have so much hope in ms Jane right now.

haha.

and myself, of course.

(i think)

so.

yeah.

bye for now?

oh no wait.

it's february already.

a month has passed.

and soon it'll be march, april (yay!),

mother tongue olevels,

more months,

the whole other chunk of olevel exams,

and then its over.

four years in this school.

have i spent it well?

i don't know for sure.

battery-low.

2012-01-31T22:53:00.003+08:00

reminds me of the time you really, really cared for me.

panicked,

went practically hysteric,

worried,

all because of it.

i admit,

i was.

annoyed.

and found it weird that you gave that much of a damn.

of course it makes sense now.

and i miss it, actually.

miss the time you actually cared.

but i get what i deserve, don't i?

and that's just life.

so i suppose giving you up is the only right thing to do.

release the chains i placed upon you.

release the tight grips i had over you.

let you go free.

today.

2012-01-31T09:16:00.002+08:00

adrenaline rush.

this is so keeping me awake.

but this is wrong.

hahaha.

i feel ridiculous.

Doubt.

2012-01-30T20:18:00.001+08:00

this probably wouldn't last long.

but it's okay.

at least i get to enjoy it for now.

so today...

was as sleepy as shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

yeah.

sleeping late and a dosage of caffeine does not help.

i feel so lazy.

don't wanna do anything.

don't wanna feel anything.

Reunions.

2012-01-29T23:12:00.002+08:00

Awesome.

day.

now i gotta face my homework.

Buckle up!

2012-01-28T22:33:00.005+08:00

So today was fun.

really.

great.

day.

hahaha.

i'm in so much of a better mood now.

despite our long years of knowing each other,

i didn't actually except us to be able to talk..

like how we did?

so im glad today turned out well.

tomorrow's gonna be a busy day.

so i should probably do my homework now.

two hours.

and then another two more hours tomorrow.

oh yeah.

did sarah's nails.

2012-01-28T17:40:00.001+08:00

jayi is cute :D

Speechless.

2012-01-27T19:30:00.004+08:00

when i heard you say that,

i didn't know how to respond.

credits

damn am i glad i have you guys as my friends.

HAVE I NOT SAID HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU GUYS?

but anyway.

i came to school with a happy mood,

and came back with a shitty mood.

(where have i heard that before?)

haha.

but now it's fine.

gonna go to starbucks soon to meet Shiyin.

school was.

utterly boring.

so lets not talk about that.

Choir Concert.

March the sixteenth.

please go.

whoever you are.

you can get tickets from any chorister of commonwealth secondary.

so.

yeah.

support yeah?

you could come and.

you know.

invite your date,

bond closer with him/her during the concert.

hahaha.

Happiness.

2012-01-26T20:38:00.002+08:00

am i happy now?

i think i am.

i hope i am.

nah.

i AM happy.

look at those chips.

HOW COULD IT NOT MAKE YOU SMILE?!

i can't believe how strong you are even as life bores down on you.

you're a pretty admirable person.

haha.

So...

I should smile more.

be happier.

be satisfied and contended with life.

be nice, really.

Ms Jane didn't come for class today..

She didn't come yesterday either.

I hope she's fine.

cause' though i do smile when the teacher's absent (please don't tell on me haha),

missing out on lessons do mean missing out on our syllabus, no?

plus, its not like her lessons are that boring.

its kinda like mrs philips's lessons.

I'm glad you care, after all.

since i had that tinge of feeling that you didn't.

2012-01-26T06:48:00.003+08:00

the firetruck.

im so angry right now.

why do you always have to do this?

you're never satisfied with what i do.

if i dont do it, you're unhappy.

if i do it, you're still unhappy.

so what the hell am i suppose to do?

sit there and not give a damn?

angry with you,

angry with her,

angry with him,

angry with myself.

yesterday sucked.

2012-01-25T05:45:00.002+08:00

sup gangsta.

im currently....

doing my english project.

i enjoyed my coffee.

hehe.

gonna go change then get to school,

finish up mathematics homework,

get through my classes,

have the chinese new year performance,

hopefully do well for my humanities test,

and then quickly attack my english project,

AND I'M DONE WITH THE DAY.

hohoho.

as you can see, i woke up on the right side of the bed today.

2012-01-24T23:52:00.002+08:00

i've been rambling a lot lately, haven't i?

i wish you cared.

too many posts a day.

sometimes i don't like my posts without headings.

looks weird.

haha.

am trying to rush through my studying right now.

then move on to homework tomorrow morning...

or should i just finish up now.

hmm.

i don't know.

did some homework at spinelli with a friend today.

if you saw us, cool.

if you didn't, pretend you don't know.

unicorns.

such gorgeous, gorgeous creatures.

i should be studying now.

hahaha.

three more tests to go.

i don't think there's anymore holidays coming up.

darn.

and january's about to end.

that's pretty sad.

I may need to bring Crystal back to the vet this saturday.

I like how my life is crowded with things.

makes me feel like...

i'm alive.

though i hate having life filled all the time.

what am i talking about.

procrastination.

lessons.

classes.

gotta drink coffee tomorrow.

the reason i'm still not sleepy right now is probably the caffeine boost

i got from the mocha earlier on.

i should stop drinking.

it makes my teeth yellow.

-er.

since its already yellow.

haha.

then february comes.

and then more birthdays.

valentine's day.

more heartbreak,

more pain,

more love,

more shit in life.

after social studies...

should i do my homework?

or study.

hmm.

i think i should do my homework.

should i?

i don't know.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

maybe i should finish my work today,

so that i could study in peace tomorrow.

no really.

but i'll probably get more work tomorrow.

OH FIRETRUCK.

Pins and needles.

2012-01-24T18:17:00.002+08:00

if i told you i wanted you to come back,

would you?

harrrrr.

im not some.

love sick person okay.

HAHA.

-cheating own feelings-

so...

i'm currently.

waiting.

hoping that you didn't just pangseh-ed me.

somehow my english has become so bad i don't even know what the proper word for that is.

today was a day full of...

work.

more work.

and even more work.

i've yet to study for my biology test.

oh come on,

are you really just gonna.

pull my hopes up,

and then walk away in a split second?

cause' hey man.

if you do that,

its over.

i don't care what friendship this is.

it's just.

over.

oh and i hope you don't read my blog.

cause' if you did...

i bet this would create even more misunderstandings.

which would be bad.

school starts tomorrow.

at least i have an extra hour to sit there and do my homework tomorrow.

no, make that two hours.

haha.

credits

2012-01-24T10:19:00.001+08:00

my windows live messenger account just got hacked.

haha.

real funny.

GET OFF MY ACCOUNT BITCH.

2012-01-23T23:12:00.001+08:00

i'm one messed up bitch.

invisibility.

2012-01-23T18:11:00.004+08:00

rightt.

i forgot.

happy chinese new year!

haha.

im still waiting here.

and i can't believe i told you.

now you're just gonna look at me weirdly, aren't you.

so..

woke up in the morning,

then went to grandma's place.

and then some visiting..

and photo-taking..

then came home to pick up some things.

where i found,

a dried, not-breathing, red fish.

yeah.

is that suppose to be some sort of message?

then went to visit akiko..

kyoko just slept the entire time.

harr.

and then i would think back to two years ago,

where she's that cute little kid who could smile so brightly

you'll smile too.

haha.

im obsessing over a small kid.

remember that?

then went to another grandma's place..

and now.

im tired.

and happy at the same time.

all that cashhhhhhhhhhh cha-ching!

but. but. but.

i shouldn't be spending it anyhow.

i should be doing my work.

Singaporean?

2012-01-23T00:01:00.001+08:00

WAH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIRETRUCK.

i was about to send a message.

AND THEN THE STUPID NETWORK CONGESTION HAD TO OCCUR.

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

I WAS JUST TRYING TO SEND AN INNOCENT TEXT MESSAGE.

NOT SOME MESSAGE GOING,

"oh, happy chinese new year! hong bao na lai!"

even though i already sent something like that

BUT

IM NOT EVEN SENDING THAT AT THIS HOUR OR TIME OR MINUTE OR WHATEVER

SO PLEASE STOP CONGESTING UP OR WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING

STOP IT

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Stares.

2012-01-22T23:31:00.005+08:00

go on bitch,

bring it on.

haha.

i've been in such a good mood these days.

maybe its the absence of lessons that is bringing about this change.

is that good?

hahaha.

i'm glad that i was able to end off with a happy note.

yes, being "high" does help a lot.

i love food.

then again,

i don't eat much,

but.

BUT.

i'm not a skinny dieting kid.

i just. have a small appetite.

SO STOP JUDGING ME.

hahaha.

so today...

dinner at grandma's.

well there was one yesterday too,

except at the paternal and maternal ones.

haha.

i love eating.. because i enjoy the food.

i really dislike eating for the sake of eating.

its such a. depressing thought.

so eat, CAUSE YOU ENJOY IT.

like how you live life cause you enjoy it.

(though im a pretty contradicting person)

i sound weird.

do i?

i don't know.

i just hope to see you as soon as possible.

why?

cause my heart yearns for ya!

duh.

stating the obvious.

hahaha.

goody goody good.

haven't decided what to wear for tomorrow.

the rain keeps on pouring.

no, i haven't seen any rainbow that everyone else has seen.

my vocabulary is improving.

just that slightest bit.

does this post consist of just nonsensical rambling?

hm.

my heart aches.

Across the room.

2012-01-22T18:06:00.001+08:00

I've done nothing at all these two days.

i should probably get to work.

BUT.

so many reasons to not do work.

hahaha.

buckle up.

2012-01-22T09:55:00.003+08:00

i don't want to talk to these two people beside me right now.

one is sleeping,

the other is highing about camp.

and previously both were using their phones.

roar.

hm.

am on the bus to church.

i'm afraid we'll be late.

Empty.

2012-01-21T18:02:00.002+08:00

oh shit.

you like her?

i am so ready to give up on you.

Promises.

2012-01-21T13:47:00.001+08:00

"when you care about something,

it ends up wearing you out."

Familiarity.

2012-01-21T07:59:00.004+08:00

ok.

im so much more energized right now.

so camp..

went down to bedok reservoir,

where we started a five-kilometers run.

or, you could also say, walk.

hahahaha.

i suppose i tried to run,

but after awhile,

you know.

dude.

five-kilometers.

i just.

walked.

cause' sports ain't my thing.

that made me sweat out like a crazy fool.

so then we had teabreak,

and then dragon boating.

it wasn't entirely fun,

but incredibly cooling.

the splashing of water on our skin,

it was so darn relieving.

and then we were all clean after that.

hahaha.

so all we did was change.

and sticky-free!

while the others who did the dragon boating first were sticky.

HAHA.

yes im gloating again.

hahaha.

but i suppose second day of camp was the most fun of all three days.

just my opinion.

some photos from camp?

and here's myet piggybacking me.

heh.

so after camp,

went out with the table-eight girls.

hahaha.

table-eight.

to west coast plaza,

for some ice creammmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

yeah.

jingyi's face.

hahahaha.

so then we played some games...

and then left.

went to jiehui's house,

met up with her for dinner at pastamania,

then came home.

and originally,

the plan was to sleepover at sy's.

this plan.

screwed up.

sadded.

not with just one thing,

but with a whole bunch of stupid shit i don't know what i'm talking about right now and besides even if you were to read this paragraph of nonsense i don't think i will make any sense cause' all im saying is that im pissed off with more than one thing and i can't say any of the "things" cause' that would be inappropriate and besides you would then find out all my secrets and i would die in shame and pain and heartbreak (really?). so yeah. why do you have to do this huh? why do you have to do this?! why must you do this to me, then walk away and go with someone else? this pisses me off. this probably applies to all the "things" i've been blabbering about in this paragraph. i really don't like it when we're friends but in real life, we pretend like we're strangers. if things were to work out that way, i rather not be friends at all. cause' i mean, i do treasure this friendship between us, but somehow, if we're not even gonna be talking, then forget it. i don't want to be there as a substitute. i don't want to be there for someone else i'm not. i want to be there as me, as who i am, as the person who loves coke and is dying from diabetes, as the person who is friends with you. BITCH!

hahaha.

no, i'm not talking about you.

Emotionless.

2012-01-20T21:46:00.001+08:00

I'm tired.

sleepy.

exhausted.

should i blog tomorrow instead?

wink, wink.

2012-01-19T17:09:00.004+08:00

sup guys.

camp camp camp.

morning was kinda just spent listening to talks.

"motivational" talks again.

then we went to sentosa,

for the amazing race.

it was fun.

really.

at first i totally didn't look forward to it,

but the competitiveness and atmosphere really made me feel good.

hahaha.

fun fun fun.

happy, too.

during the games,

i suppose my teammates were really enthusiastic

and participative.

and that's great.

im thankful for them.

(grace leehui rissa esther)

we made a complete wrong turn at one point of time.

wasted wayyyy too much time there.

then we got lazy and took the bus.

and met up with the group we were racing with.

who walked the way there.

hahahaha.

-gloating-

there were puzzles and riddles,

singing of songs (with much eagerness),

lots of running,

and the instant gratification with cold, cold coke.

haha.

am on the bus back to school now.

cheryl's next to me!

teehee.

sweaty and gross right now.

but i still gotta go tuition in an hour.

aw.

i kinda dont like the way i am when i'm high.

it's... weird.

and. somewhat.

i don't know.

maybe next time i'll ask someone about it.

the sun is really annoying right now.

though i love the warmth and glow of the sun,

it still pisses me off to an extent.

but i still love it.

haha.

for the sake of you.

2012-01-18T19:26:00.002+08:00

Hi.

i figured i should text now since im still waiting for the bus home.

roar.

why is it taking so long??!

and it's seven-thirty already.

so today was..

hm.

the entire day seemed to past really quickly?

it seems as if i was just sitting there doing my homework in the morning

and now im waiting for the bus home,

sweating.

there were ice breakers,

then "motivational" (i suppose) talks,

and then station games.

tomorrow's suppose to be at sentosa.

then friday at the bedok reservoir.

and then chinese new year.

hohoho.

i feel so accomplished since i did much of my work already.

gah.

did i mention before how much i dislike wearing

the school pe shirt?

i really dont like how the material is.

what kind of material is this anyway.

its supposingly dryfit,

but it doesnt feel dryfit at all.

and tomorrow we gotta wear that.

not. nice.

level t-shirt.

green green green.

looking forward to dinner of pratas tonight.

haha.

still waiting for ya to talk to me.

ok, scrap that.

i wait for that to happen all the time.

hahaha.

ms phoon is a really nice teacher.

in fact, i'm kinda glad i had her as my class mentor

these past three(and counting) years.

teehee.

went home with carina sixuan melody and ziyan.

and got my math questions set straight.

who. ray.

Tongue tied.

2012-01-17T19:37:00.006+08:00

So..

Yeah.

Hello there.

have i ever posted that picture up there?

cause' i swore i remember i did,

but i can't find that post.

haha.

School school school.

Study hall for first period.

Did. my biology work.

hah.

then bio lesson, followed with physics,

which, once again,

i've ended up in remedial.

darn it.

i seem to fail at everything right now.

then recess,

and english class.

received a thick, thick, THICK,

stack of papers.

comprehension papers, to be exact.

for semester one.

and now i dread what semester two would bring us.

chemistry, amath.

went for choir after that.

and yes.

finally.

FINALLY.

YOU TALKED TO ME.

-whistle-

Tomorrow's day one of camp.

do i look forward to it?

i don't know.

let's just say i'm trying to go to camp with a positive attitude.

yeah.

instead of my ugly, draining shitty attitude i usually go to camps with.

(Cambodia was an exception. Up till now i still miss that trip.)

hmm.

what else do i wanna say.

i've got homework?

oh oh oh.

the level camp t-shirt for this year.

what can i say?

hahaha.

haha.

ha.

SO.

not chio.

though i really didn't like the shirt in secondary two,

this is worse.

oh man.

comments on the shirt is pretty much flooding facebook.

hahaha.

and now i'm debating whether or not i should play sims.

yeah.

im fifteen-turning sixteen,

but who cares?

sims is awesome.

uh huh.

Conspiracy.

2012-01-16T21:03:00.005+08:00

Previous post;

each phrase has no link to each other by the way.

different different people.

darn it.

i hate how insecure i'm feeling right now.

how is it that you're able to help me this much?

School.

ridiculous day.

i hate it.

so much.

and yet i love it too.

to a certain extent.

no.

how about a small extent?

hah.

went to chloe's place after school to study for a bit.

bought food.

came home.

am ready to just.

do something about it.

i'm so bloody relieved it looks better now.

i don't care whether or not it looks better by A LOT,

or a little.

she just looks better now.

and that's what matters.

you know,

if i were to imagine a day without her,

or maybe.

like.

one day she's gone?

i would weep.

and mourn.

and who knows what the heck i'll do.

maybe kill someone else.

or just jump off...

my bed.

smash the paper balls around me.

weep even more.

weep weep weep.

WEEEEEEEEEEP.

i sound stupid.

distance ourselves.

2012-01-16T17:26:00.003+08:00

im so sorry i had doubt you.

i kinda got the feeling you were trying to say,

"fine, do whatever you want".

now i just hope i wouldnt see you that often anymore.

i dont want to have to sit there and wait for you.

oh, i get it alright.

i worry for you all the time.

god, please make things better for her.

emotionless.

2012-01-15T16:36:00.003+08:00

She seems to be getting worse and worse each day.

i feel like a shitty owner.//

church in the morning.

gloria baked a cake.

yummeh.

then went for tuition.

we ended up finishing work early cause' i forgot to bring my book.

so what did we do?

talk about bunnies.

and the future.

hehehe.

gonna go for vc concert later.

chloe's coming!

meet up with ziyan first though.

Pressure.

2012-01-14T16:30:00.002+08:00

Just brought Crystal to the vet.

She had a skin infection...

and there goes my monthly allowance.

For the sake of it.

2012-01-13T21:33:00.002+08:00

Ok.

yeah.

re-typed the post.

hahaha.

only had two lessons today.

followed by choir.

and then i got caught for hair..

darn ya.

and if you can't tell from the previous post,

went to watch the match this afternoon.

really cool.

kind of the first time i've actually watched a real, competitive match.

ahhhh shit.

i'm still panicky about stupid minor things.

what should i do?

oh man.

maybe i'll pin up my fringe on monday.

after that match,

had "dinner" at the mall.

fast food.

is.

good.

not.

yes.

not.

yes.

wha?

then looked for a basketball court.

which i sat there and did my homework.

hahaha.

then got ice cream with chloe.

and came home.

oh right.

crossed paths with shiyin on the way to the court.

competition.

2012-01-13T16:25:00.002+08:00

uh..

at. clementi sports hall now.

watching a basketball match between commonwealth and pioneer.

we're on par!

hohoho.

chloe: ohsht they lost the ball.

oh they got it back!

ah...

nice! -clap clap-

wow.

um.

cool.

this is really exhilarating to watch.

"You read too much into it"

2012-01-12T21:26:00.003+08:00

oh right.

i forgot.

school has been...

hectic.

these two days.

meh.

im tired.

got ice cream with Chloe yesterday.

after physics test.

hah.

then went home and died.

I don't know what i should do.

this feeling.

met up with Shiyin today.

her dogs are adorable.

i want a chinchilla cat.

yes.

i did just say,

a chinchilla cat.

hahaha.

I don't like this feeling.

2012-01-10T20:11:00.001+08:00

I do not,

i repeat,

give a fuck anymore.

Birthdays.

2012-01-09T22:51:00.007+08:00

Celebrated the first birthday of the year.

Darn,

today was good.

Now while i wait for my hair to dry...

so what did i do today.

was really sleepy during lessons.

i guess i gotta rely on caffeine tomorrow.

celebrated moses's birthday today,

with five birthday songs.

hahaha.

it was interesting.

and yes,

i did dye my hair.

moo.

more lessons,

then the release of Olevel results.

laughed and cheered my ass off with myet.

i guess..

its sorta a mental preparation for our turn,

but then again.

it wasn't that big of an impact.

People crying, people cheering,

oh man.

Had mos burger for lunch.

Ate the new, uh.

tobikiri wagyu burger?

if im not wrong.

brings up other memories of the last time we ate at mos burger.

"wagyu".

harr.

then studied for a bit with Chloe at mcdonalds.

met up with rayson,

then took the bus to sixth avenue to meet ms chia.

we were late.

really late.

no comment.

dinner dinner dinner..

it was. cool.

i still liked the part where we rushed to pay the bill.

now i'm home,

with a full stomach,

and a pile of notes beside the computer.

pimples popping up.

have a nice night.

Meow.

2012-01-08T16:26:00.003+08:00

Rolling, rolling.

cake for tomorrow.

God.

2012-01-07T22:24:00.002+08:00

Overwhelmed.

Engulfed.

Filled in.

His presence.

I've never felt so close to this before.

i'm thankful,

for those who have invited him,

and then for inviting me.

okay.

i don't know..

how to explain this.

meow.

the title should say it all, eh?

Open house.

2012-01-07T06:09:00.003+08:00

I don't care.

i really don't.

nah.

i do.

everybody knows i do.

hahahaha.

i'm on the verge of punching myself.

gonna go..

grab some breakfast at mcdonalds,

then catch a bus to school...

i know.

what the hell am i doing on the computer right now?

i'm... early.

really.

i woke up a tad bit too early.

HAH.

seriously.

today.

HAS

BETTER

THAN

YESTERDAY.

before i just give up on myself.

not.

i need to concentrate on my studies.

yep.

i need to stop thinking about unnecessary things.

yep.

i need to.. eat.

definitely.

bah.

if you're not gonna ask,

then...

i'm not gonna bring up the topic either.

why?

cause' i'll just feel like crap about myself.

and then end up feeling guilty about deceiving.

and then.

just rot and die.

and stone.

SINGLISH.

bai. now im gonna be late.

Gleeful!

2012-01-05T21:06:00.004+08:00

GOODY GOODY GOOOOOD.

happy.

despite having a full eight hours of sleep,

i was still having trouble trying to keep awake in classes.

aw.

three lectures today,

(which one of out three i kinda just dozed off)

and the rest were interesting(or just. there is SOMETHING that i could look forward to) classes.

hahaha.

did homework after the last class,

then went to get some tea with Carina.

it really...

helped me to keep awake during tuition.

hoho.

and i saw ruth.

and then met up with Shiyin after tuition.

to have a walk.

and talk.

about.

things.

HAHAHA.

THANKS GIRLFRIEND.

i hope tomorrow will be as good as today was.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO-

Greed.

2012-01-04T19:35:00.001+08:00

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow.

Pepper lunch.

with Carina.

i want a bigger room.

a bigger table.

a bigger wardrobe.

a wider/larger/taller accessories rack.

MEH.

i want everything on earth.

hahaha.

Pies.

2012-01-03T20:16:00.003+08:00

Okay.

maybe if i don't think about it so much,

and instead replace it with the good things,

then yes,

i do feel much happier.

damn my heart was beating so bloody fast.

sunnies.

bleh.

no i don't zilian.

First day.

2012-01-03T16:27:00.003+08:00

So incredibly annoyed right now.

I should stop going to facebook.

(yes that does mean that i like to stalk people)

(like virtually, and not in reality)

(that would kinda be creepy)
(i should stop typing in brackets)

day one eh.

Was late for school.

darn.

hahaha.

no lessons today,

though there will be tomorrow.

hopefully i could just fill my mind with lessons.

and not pay attention to my distractions.

how do i avoid distractions?

aw man.

focus.

hocus?

pocus!

so the day was.

pretty...

relaxing?

a great way to start the first day.

but of course,

i'm superbly prepared for school.

the lessons, i mean.

however i did not expect to get that kind of a reaction from you.

you see?

that's why i should cease communication.

not with the entire world,

(or friends. and family. from singapore.)

but more of...

just you, you, you, you, and you.

and you!

bubble-ed tea with ziyan.

then got sushi.

yummy.

they actually have really good prices.

too bad the discount's only during a certain period of time,

so we kinda only can eat there when...

there's no cca.

aw.

In a good mood.

2012-01-02T19:28:00.004+08:00

So.

Studied in the morning with moses.

then came home, changed,

went out for lunch.

Japanese!

the awesome grilled cod fish.

so good.

then went shopping.

got a couple of shirts,

another skirt (similar to the one from australia),

and a pair of... boots?

hoho.

and i'm proud to say that i have finished my homework.

for good.

SO HAPPY.

and sad all at the same time.

for once,

i'm really excited for school.

and for once,

i really dread to see your face.

2012-01-01T04:07:00.002+08:00

I'm alive.

breathing ever so hard.

2012.

2012-01-01T01:38:00.004+08:00

screw resolutions.

i just wanna have a hell of a time.

hehe.

how's life?

mine is currently...

on the low side.

why do you always have to do that?

it makes me sad.

and that's probably the last face you'll ever see on this blog.

2011-12-30T16:19:00.001+08:00

yummo.

now what...

I do feel bad,

but at the same time.

How am i suppose to satisfy both sides?

i can't.

i can only do one.

I can't.

I can't deceive myself, can i?

meh.

whatever.

i'll....

i rather not think about it at all.

sup dude.

2011-12-29T23:31:00.002+08:00

yeah.

pretty much.

im coming home.

coming home.

tell my mum(or dad) im coming home.

let the rain.

wash away.

all the pain of,

yesterday.

im coming home.

coming home.

tell the world that...

sup dude.

hahaha.

sleepy.

tomorrow's gonna be busy.

i have no idea how i make life this difficult for myself.

expectations.

what do i expect out of myself?

i don't know.

i expect something,

but i don't have that...

i need to have it. get it.

its more of a ...

want?

if i tell myself im tired,

i give up.

i don't care,

i don't give a shit.

i don't bother.

well.

yeah.

sigh.

i wish i could make wishes.

2011-12-29T07:17:00.001+08:00

um.

again?

long.

2011-12-28T10:11:00.003+08:00

hi.

so...

what now?

i've never felt so cold in my life.

im homesick.

(probably)

i miss my bed.

my pillows.

my cold but warm aircon.

my room.

my laptop.

my animals.

my window.

my sunglasses.

my mirror.

my brother? hahaha.

my parents.

my cards.

my sense of satisfaction.

my short distance from the mcdonalds.

my...

everything.

hmm.

i feel like talking to you.

but i can't.

(obviously)

so what should i do?

should i...

type it out, only to delete it?

should i...

stare at that button on my phone,

wondering whether to click it?

should i...

just.

not.

do anything?

i need to charge my phone.

darn.